. What is true, what is not?

A STARLING CHRISTMAS EVE  By J Schroeder 2022  

Twas the day before Christmas 

And all through the birdhouse

All the little guys were eating 

Including the Titmouse.

There were Cardinals, wrens

Finches and chickadees…

Phoebes, bluebird  and

Swallows you see.

They were all happy and sharing 

And enjoying until. 

“Who invited the damn Starlings”

  Woodpecker  screams from her bill

The Starlings, not the starlings.

 Not those big ugly birds

 Their obnoxious and nasty, 

and they fly in a herd.

They  came from the rooftops

And treetops they dared

Their a pain in the feathers 

hummingbird said with a stare

They eat all our seed 

And poop in our food

They  smell and they drink and 

They fart, oh how rude.

As the intrusion continued and 

Feathers a ruffled

Inside a Cardinal heard humans 

speak of this tussle.

Oh, but honey he said

To his frustrated wife

You can’t hate the starlings 

They too have a life

She said  they’re so mean

And they chase all the others.

Away with them, shoot them,

Kill all those mothers!!!!

But sweetheart you see.

Starlings’ lives matter.

They deserve to be fed 

just like the others.

As she knocked on the window

 to chase them away,

The starlings just laughed 

And continued to play.

If you love me dear husband

A gun you will find 

And shoot those fat Suckers

They are blowing my mind.

So what your saying

My sweet little wife.

If I shoot the big fat ones 

Will you improve my (  Love ) life?

That not what I said

Not what I implied.

Why is Everything sexual,

With all of you guys.

I know you are mad

He said with a smile

And if shooting that bird 

Brings relief for a while.

Then a gun I will get

And BBs will fly

And your gift to me later

May make me feel High?

I promise you nothing 

She said with a smirk

But a couple dead starlings

May get you a ………PERK

As fast as he could 

He ran for his gun

A few dead starlings

May bring him some fun

The Seagrams (TITOS) was flowing

On that cold winter day

And visions of Romance 

We’re certainly at play.

He was not a Killer

All his friends knew.

But we all have a price 

And today it was two.

Just shoot her two starlings

And the flock will all leave.

It sounded so simple 

The bald man Believed.

The birds were so close

From the window he saw

Sitting down in the bathroom

Right next to the stall

Then  he stood by his window

Just sipping his drink

He smiled like the Grinch

As he started to think

Just two well placed BBs

A  given  he thought.

What could possibly go wrong

He aims, but Guess What?…

As he drew down on his prey

Just before he did sneeze

And pulling the trigger

He had a brain freeze.

For the shot that was.supposed

To start a night of such love

Exploded into the window

Shattering glass from above

He stood in amazement

That a pellet… so small 

Could destroy a big window

In no time at all.

All the Starlings were Jeering

And showing their beaks

 Hearing  from the next room 

As his wife starts to shriek.

“What was that” she implores 

As she opens the door

And her mouth fell open as 

Glass covers the floor.

He thought a hero 

Is what he would be..

“Oh God your an idiot”

She screamed right at me.

Subzero winds

Rushed through the pane

A freezing cold bathroom 

Was all that remained.

He could tell by her face 

He was suddenly banished

And visions of romance 

Had immediately vanished.

As the starlings were watching

She screamed with no charm.

Tonight my dear husband

You’ll sleep in the barn.

But…but sweetheart He stuttered, 

It isn’t my fought

 Its Covid that made me

Shoot the window ..he thought

Then blame it on Fauci

She said with disgust

Cause your bed tonight Mr.

Will be full of dust.

His bed was so cold

On that Christmas eve night

How could something so magical

End in disastrous plight

As the hammock was covered 

With blankets so cold

He laid there so lonely

But let it be told

As he lay there numb

And his legs start to shake

He obviously realized

He made a mistake

And I hope this shows you

What we already know

As I lay there freezing 

Surrounded by snow.

Booze ,guns and women

Are a gamble and risk.

So Merry Christmas my friends

And to all TSk Tsk Tsk…

Option 2 other than Christmas

 Together Booze guns and women 

 are a gamble and risk

And  if your mind turns to lust

Be prepared to be frisked.